The Hardest Kind of Trust

I've made a lifetime worth of impulsive decisions in my forty-one years. I can tell you stories of lucky ones and mistakes alike. I've come to terms with most of them and I struggle with the rest. I believe there's value in each decision in that I stand where I do today.

I'm not talking about predestination or fate. They were choices after all. They were my choices that make up the chapters in my story. If I have regret then I call it a lesson learned. If I relive a poor decision, I clearly have work to do. If I make better choices—it's progress.

Somewhere along the way I abandoned my 'throw caution to the wind' attitude in favor of a more guarded style. The impulsive adolescent grew into a young woman and the decisions became weightier. The young woman become a protective mother and my decisions would impact the stories of my children. The gravity of parenthood made for more judicious appraisals.

A difficult lesson but a lesson learned—caring for others requires care for one's self. With no reserves or personal interests a mother is an incomplete parent. But how far is too far? Sacrifice is inevitable. Compromise is reasonable. But to what extent?

I'm faced with a decision in my life. And the words I keep repeating to myself are 'trust yourself'.

So that's my plan.