lowering expectations

at one point or another almost every blogger i am personally acquainted with has confessed to me their questioning of the purpose of it all.

i have a few (confessions) of my own i'd like to share here in the midst of my own blog-istential crisis.

first, i suffer migraine headaches. if we know each other or we're flickr friends you already know this. last july i started taking a daily medication to treat them. i was pretty desperate suffering almost as many days in a month as i wasn't. i really didn't have a choice.

thing is, though, one of the 'side effects' of the medicine was trouble recalling words. sounds awful, i know. and in reality it wasn't as debilitating as it sounds. it was occasional and frustrating but, hey, it happens to everyone sometimes. you can't find the right word. you pick another and move on. and i was feeling relief. so i sucked it up.

but i couldn't write. i couldn't find the words. for a year now, my words have been locked inside my head. and the headaches came back after just a few months. sneaking up on me. taking days away from me. so i've quit it. and slowly, i feel the words coming back. slowly.

maybe that's why i've been quiet here. or maybe it's time. you know about this one. there's never enough time so when you add something to one side of the scale, something else has to give. or the debate about whether to keep this a personal space or promote my business here. i've gone back and forth on this one but in the end, i need a personal outlet so i've decided to blog about all things business somewhere else.

or maybe it was something else entirely. i've been making excuses to friends who's places i haven't been visiting. feeling badly about not leaving comments for them. being there for them. pressure isn't my friend. if i were talking to you, i'd say 'it's your space. use it when you feel like using it. don't let it become a burden'.

so that's what i've been doing. but truth be told, i miss this neighborhood of ours. so i think i'll be visiting more often. taking some of the pressure off and adding small posts more often. not trying to outdo myself. some honesty and accountability. not every post is poetry. not everything i have to say is interesting. just truth.